Letters To The Editor: My Brother Cliffy

Dear The Onion,
My brother Cliffy owns a driving school. Sometimes he even teaches cops how to drive fast. No shit.

? Perry Daives, Saginaw, MI

Recent Letters To The Editor

• Dear The Onion,
  I have to tell my neighbors that I'm a convicted sex offender. Would you mind printing this and saving me some trouble?

  ? Lars Cromwell, Aberdeen, SD

• Dear The Onion,
  Just wanted to let you know that most of the deer heads in my trophy room are stuffed with your fine newspaper.

  ? Eldridge Calhoun, Greensboro, NC

• Dear The Onion,
  My wife and I just happened upon your sex column last week and boy oh boy has it ever spiced up our marriage! Who knew that the woman could be on top?

  ? David Cashin, Ann Arbor, MI

• Dear The Onion,
  There's no chance or hope that I'll get better. This is goodbye.

  ? Nathan, Buffalo, NY

• Dear The Onion,
  My wife and I got into an argument that we hope you can settle. Did she sleep with Jim?

  ? Tod Perry, Birmingham, AL

• Dear The Onion,
  I wish you'd feature more LGBT journalists in your paper, as I can safely assume, based on their headshots and sentence structures, that you employ very few.

  ? M. Danforth, Jersey City, NJ

• Dear The Onion,
  Enjoy OUTRAGEOUS autumn deals at The Smog Doctor! Take $10 off your State of California Smog Inspection during our SMOGTOBERFEST blowout! Remember: If you catch YOUR CAR smoking, then come see the Doctor!

  ? The Smog Doctor, Santa Clarita, CA

• Dear The Onion,
  Did you guys know that the number 13 is unlucky? Maybe you should only publish 12 pages. Actually, maybe you should only publish zero pages. INTERNET RULES.

  ? Melissa Wampler, Willacoochee, GA

• Dear The Onion,
  Could you print a short timeline with all the news before now? I'm new to this. Thanks.

  ? Roderic Muybridge, Pocatello, ID

Source: http://www.theonion.com/articles/my-brother-cliffy,20738/

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